One of the most memorable exchanges in the wonderful film "Love Actually" plays out as follows.
Daniel: So what's the problem, Sammy-o? Is it just Mum or is it something else? Maybe... school - are you being bullied? Or is it something worse? Can you give me any clues at all?
Sam: You really want to know?
Daniel: I really want to know.
Sam: Even though you won't be able to do anything to help?
Daniel: Even if that's the case, yeah.
Sam: OK. The truth is actually... I'm in love.
Daniel: Sorry?
Sam: I know I should be thinking about Mum all the time, and I am. But the truth is I'm in love and I was before she died, and there's nothing I can do about it.
Daniel: Aren't you a bit young to be in love?
Sam: No.
Daniel: Oh, OK, right. Well, I'm a little relieved.
Sam: Why?
Daniel: Well, you know - I thought it might be something worse.
Sam: [incredulous] Worse than the total agony of being in love?
AMEN.
Why do we constantly submit ourselves to this kind of abuse. You would think people would learn but, as the prophetic song says, "so, for at least until tomorrow, I'll never fall in love again."
Most of us single guys are always searching for that perfect balance of chemistry and compatibility in a woman that can make us happy for more than a few weeks or months.
I have had experiences where this chemistry/compatibility scale is tipped in either direction. I have even, once or twice, been in a relationship where the scale seems to be balanced quite well, but then somehow manage to screw it up.
If the scale is tipped significantly to one side, let's say chemistry, what course should one pursue in the relationship? Should compatibility be sought after? If so, to what extent? What if weeks and months go by and, though the chemistry seems to be unabated, the relationship still lacks a more meaningful connection?
The answer is of course obvious. A relationship cannot be based solely in the physical realm and remain healthy. So, this being the only choice, why is it such a difficult one to make?
To quote the J. Geils Band's infinite wisdom, I hereby declare, "Love Stinks!!!"
what about those relationships that have the compatibility department covered, but are totally lacking in chemistry? what then?
ReplyDeleteand what about those relationships that do have that balance you're talking about, but are still missing something? what then??
too many questions...not enough answers...alas.
"Most of us single guys are always searching for that perfect balance of chemistry and compatibility in a woman that can make us happy for more than a few weeks or months."
ReplyDeletesometimes i get so caught up in looking for someone who is perfect for me, who can make me happy, that i forget how selfless real love is. perhaps i should be trying to make someone else happy and find joy in that.
i think i'm done now. sorry for the overabundance of comments.